You clicked on this and are probably thinking I’m crazy. Peaceful parenting, is that a thing? Well I can tell you that it is. A few months ago I thought parenting peacefully or calmly just wasn’t a thing. When we had our second child I quickly realized chaos was now apart of my everyday life. Between the multiple daily tantrums and yelling, the huge messes and me trying to teach Lily that trying to jump off the top of the couch, onto the cushion then roll onto her Paw Patrol couch is not a very good idea. I felt myself starting to lose control some days. That my mind just couldn’t handle the constant attention and loud noises. Listening to my Daughter ask me “Why?” Fifteen times in a row would send me spiralling out of control.
Till one day I day I decided I can’t do this anymore. Feeling like I can barely keep my head above water and not constantly losing my cool on my kids and Husband. Oh I will admit, and all of us parents have lost their cool on their kids. Have yelled and dropped a few “F Bombs”. I don’t know how my toddler has not learned that word yet.
The first thing you need to do to reach peaceful parenting is to regulate your own emotions when triggered. Yeah I know, sounds very hard. And trust me it is. But just think of all the times you have lost your cool, and think what would have happened if you didn’t let the trigger get the best of you. I knew right away regulating my emotions would prevent many situations that I would regret afterwards. Now how do you do this? My trick is deep breaths and I turn away for five seconds. If I catch my Daughter rubbing paint into the carpet after I asked her three times to stay at the chair. All while Isla is crying because she wants to be breastfed. I put my baby down, I turn around and count to five. While doing a few deep breaths. The carpet already has paint on it, so five seconds more won’t make that big of a mess. And the baby can survive five seconds of crying. Then I turn back around and go “Ok!” And quietly talk to my toddler and deal with the situation. You need to regulate those feelings before you react, so you don’t have a huge explosive reaction. And if I have been having a rough day I make sure to make some self- care time for myself such as meditation, yoga or ten minutes to myself to do something that makes me happy. This helps me centre my emotions again, and helps me later in the day if a situation arises.
Next you need to build a strong connection with your child. By creating a strong positive relationship, compared to putting the correction first. Your child is more likely to listen, and respond positively to you. Most parents such as I did, would quickly correct the situation. Abrupt sentences, some yelling and a lot of negative consequences. Having a strong, positive relationship will allow your child to connect and trust you more. They will accept your guidance instead of defy it when in a situation. How many parents have yelled “NO HITTING!” And then you child hits again immediately afterwards? Instead, remove your child from the situation and place in a quiet area. And explain why hitting is not appropriate. Since implementing this tip, my Daughter has been responding positively to me. And I find we don’t have multiple episodes of the same bad situation.
Last tip is to coach your child, instead of controlling. Control is a traditional way to discipline kids, but coaching them helps your child to think for themselves. Let them learn from their mistakes and make better decisions in the future. So instead of constantly saying No, and taking things away from them. Stop and see what you can do to help them achieve what they are trying to do. If my Daughter gets herself in a position where she is asking for help with something she shouldn’t be doing. For example, climbing up the outside of the stairs. I give her a minute to get back down by herself while supervising. Instead of grabbing her off the stairs right away.
These three tips I promise will transform your life, like they did for me. Make your goals and focus on each. And know that this will take sometime. Learning how to regulate your emotions will be hard and difficult. Finding out what you need to do to see proactive results and there will be lots of trial and error. But work hard and don’t stop, because you will see results once you’ve mastered controlling your emotions.
Thanks for reading,